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Laughter Dose 7 years 3 months ago #351986

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Two well dressed lawyers went to an expensive restaurant...

Ordered 2 coffees

and then took out sandwiches from their briefcases to eat...

Waitress: Sorry Sir !!! But you can't eat your OWN food here... Its against the rules ...

The lawyers quietly looked at each other and

EXCHANGED their sandwiches & continued their meals !!!

( You can trust lawyers to find loopholes in any rules)

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Laughter Dose 7 years 3 months ago #353720

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A man enters a liquor store and asks the seller...

"Which brand of whiskey would you suggest for my 25th wedding anniversary?"

Sales man: "Sir, it totally depends on whether you want to celebrate or want to forget".
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Laughter Dose 7 years 3 months ago #353732

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The Students of MBBS were attending their 1st Biochemistry Class. They all gathered around the Lab table with a Urine sample. The Professor dip His Finger in urine & tasted it in his own mouth. 

Then he asked the Students to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes, but at last every one dipped their finger in urine sample & tasted it....

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them & said: The most important in Biochemistry Lab is to make proper 'Observation'.  I dipped my MIDDLE Finger but tasted the INDEX Finger. So today you just Learn,

"How to Pay Attention" and make "Observation'. ..
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Laughter Dose 7 years 2 months ago #354756

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A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting


A married man's prayer;
Dear God, u gave me childhood, u took it away
U gave me youth, u took it away.
U gave me a wife..........
Its been years now, just reminding u......


A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done,
I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight !
Why the hell did you bring him home for?"
Husband answers "Because he's thinking of getting married


Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.
Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.



A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary
and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.
Was the necklace FAKE?
Nooooo! That was the deal :)


A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant.
As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: that's at home sweetheart......
here the chef knows how to cook.



Best Slogan on a
MAN's T-Shirt :
"Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed

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Last edit: by [NLR] The Blue Fighter.

Laughter Dose 7 years 2 months ago #355028

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*Procurement manager*
is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

*Operations Manager*
is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month if works harder.

*Marketing Manager*
is a person who convinces anyone that he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.


*Financial Budget*

Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

* Planning and Technical Team*
thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

*Quality Manager/ Auditor*
is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

*HR Manager*
is a person who thinks that... a Monkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months.

*Customer*
is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby….!!!!!

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Laughter Dose 7 years 1 month ago #356489

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Laughter Dose 7 years 1 month ago #356700

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Laughter Dose 7 years 1 month ago #356739

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Height of internet addiction

At a funeral in church

A visitor: What's the wifi password here?

Priest: respect the dead.

Visitor: all small letters?

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Laughter Dose 7 years 1 month ago #357496

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*Statistical Data*

Different types of phone call duration:

*Boy to Boy* 00:00:59
*Boy to Mom* 00:00:50
*Boy to Dad* 00:00:30
*Boy to Girl* 01:23:59
*Girl to Girl* 05:29:59
*Girl to Boy* Missed call
*Husband to Wife* 00:00:03
*Wife to Husband* 14 Missed Calls
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Last edit: by [NLR] The Blue Fighter.

Laughter Dose 7 years 1 month ago #357804

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Laughter Dose 6 years 11 months ago #359870

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An article from readers digest

Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking 2 my wife about life.. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying. I told her : 'Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the connections that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die.'

My wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me proceeded to disconnect the Cable tv, DVD, then the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, Gin, Vodka the Beer from the fridge...

I ALMOST DIED!!

Moral : Think before you speak. The female brain works on a different wavelength!
*Source: Reader's Digest*
A Classic example of:
Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus
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Last edit: by [NLR] The Blue Fighter.

Laughter Dose 6 years 11 months ago #359871

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An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'
The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the heck was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides
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Laughter Dose 6 years 11 months ago #360118

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Poetic fight between husband and wife ......instead of resorting to shouting, abusing or physical force... they write poems to each other. .....
WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed..
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far

HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Husband :
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you!! ⯑⯑
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Laughter Dose 6 years 11 months ago #360170

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Lady patient to the Doctor inside his examination room "Doctor can you please call my husband inside, I am not feeling comfortable. "

Doctor - "Trust me lady, I am a Doctor & I am a Gentleman.

Lady patient - "No that's not the issue. Your receptionist is alone outside and my husband is neither a doctor nor a gentleman...!!!!!!"


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Laughter Dose 6 years 11 months ago #360230

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Laughter Dose 6 years 11 months ago #360235

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[NLR] The Blue Fighter wrote:


.

.
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Laughter Dose 6 years 11 months ago #360275

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Laughter Dose 6 years 11 months ago #360510

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Laughter Dose 6 years 11 months ago #360659

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This is good one

Sharma to verma : you drink regularly or occasionally ?

Verma : I drink occasionally, but the occasion comes regularly..

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Laughter Dose 6 years 11 months ago #360798

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A man enters a wine store and
asks the seller.....
'Which brand of whiskey would you advise me for my 25th wedding anniversary ????'

Wine Seller - Sir,
It totally depends on
Whether you want to celebrate
or
Want to forget

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Last edit: by [NLR] The Blue Fighter.

Laughter Dose 6 years 11 months ago #360799

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Laughter Dose 6 years 10 months ago #361737

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Laughter Dose 6 years 9 months ago #362795

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Interviewer - so what's your email ID?

Me - sir, This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Interviewer - and password?

Me - 12345678

Interviewer - you shared such a confidential information so easily for the job. How can we trust that you will not share any confidential information of the company for some better offers?

Me - Sir, I might have shared my password with you but I don't think you can still login to my email account. Let's look for the possibilities. My password can be

12345678

Or

Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneight

Or

1twothreefourfivesixseveneight

1twothreefourfivesixseven8….. so on

Or

2444666668888888 (one 2, three 4….)

13355557777778 (1, two 3, four 5……, 8)….. so on

Or

Combination of all of these…

By the way, did I mention use of capitals? ⯑⯑⯑⯑⯑⯑
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Last edit: by [NLR] The Blue Fighter.

Laughter Dose 6 years 9 months ago #363321

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When a wife keeps her head on husband's chest and slowly asks...

_*"Dear do you have any woman in your life other than me"?*_

...
...
...

Remember,
the answer is
not important at this time

...
...
...

Important is
_*The heartbeats...*_

Keep your heart beats in control... _Learn Yoga Meditation..._

Happy International Yoga Day
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Laughter Dose 6 years 8 months ago #363735

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Phew another hot day in UK , got me to thinking about a story my old granny once told me about her visit to Africa. It was so hot the pavements were actually melting but all the local native ladies looked so cool , how can they be cool she thought ,they must have a secret. Next day it was even hotter so she asked one of the local ladies how they stayed so cool , it's easy came the reply we take our knickers off and let the breeze cool our "bits" down , horrified my granny walked quickly away , never could I do that she thought and I bet it does not work any way. Next day it was even hotter , granny was suffering badly in the heat , so she asked another local lady " how do you stay cool in this heat" again the reply " we take our knickers off and let the breeze cool our "bits" down" . Aghast granny hurried away.. Next day it was so hot granny could hardly stand it ,as walked to the shop she saw a very large native lady sat on the pavement eating a huge piece of watermelon ,with her skirts pulled up to her waist with her "bits " on show to the world looking really cool. Maybe it does work granny thought ,so she wandered over and asked the very large lady " does exposing your "bits" to the air actually,keep you cool...no , came the reply , but it keeps the flies off my melon! ⯑
May the ancestors look down upon your achievements and smile.





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Laughter Dose 6 years 8 months ago #363750

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Laughter Dose 6 years 8 months ago #363851

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Husband and wife went shopping to get new sarees for the wife.

After seeing numerous sarees, she shortlisted around 100 and further brought it down to 25.

Out of these she asked her husband to choose 5 sarees among them.

Then she finally picked up one saree.
It took 5 hours to finalise one saree.

The husband settled the bill and commented :"Adam was very lucky because he and Eve used to wear only leaves. He need not have wasted too much of time.

Ultimate comment of wife:- Who knows how many trees Adam had to climb and finally choose the leaves as per the wish of Eve. You are lucky u have to just sit in AC shop ...

Moral :
Never argue with woman while shopping.

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Laughter Dose 6 years 8 months ago #363967

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This has to be one of the trickiest singles ads ever...

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.

I'm a very good looking female, who LOVES to play.
I also love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.

Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.

Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting...

*Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador*!!

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Laughter Dose 6 years 8 months ago #364143

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Laughter Dose 6 years 8 months ago #364174

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